he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
