I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
