that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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