i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
