I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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