The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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