The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
