I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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