I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
