you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
