EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize