OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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