I cannot find my penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
