At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
