i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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