Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
