it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
