I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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