my sisters under your porch take her home
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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