Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
