I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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