It's like God shit irony all over that family
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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