It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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