Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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