oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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