11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sarcasm needs its own font
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
