Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
