They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
