"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
