did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
