is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
