girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize