omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
