mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
