i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
