There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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