it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
