Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
