i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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