My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
