i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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