is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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