If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
