the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
