Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
