omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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