i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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