Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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