Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
