i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
