Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize