I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
