p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
