What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
