i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
