I think my vagina is haunted
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize