I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
