honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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