Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
