Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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