i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
