it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
