yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
