he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
