what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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