you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
