yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
