lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
