ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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