You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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