She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
