you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize